Happy Ever After!

We have this custom of seeking blessings from everyone in the family on any special occasions in life. Especially from elders, you should bend and touch the feet of the person and they would bless you by keeping both palms on your head. On their marriage day a typical Kerala bride will weigh atleast 10 kilograms extra with the heavy brocaded saree, a load of awkward jewellery which is a must in Kerala traditional weddings, and a heavy load of deceiving (artificial)long hair and flowers and half a kilogram of hair pins to fix all these scraps together. I still remember how difficult it was to bend before all the uncles, aunties, ammumma’s and appuppans including that Pappu uncle, this Ammini aunty, this Raman uncle, that Janaki aunty and who not? Bending, be straight and again bending, be straight is such a difficult task that too in the brides attire and all we’re doing this is just to be blessed by them. You don't want to spare anybody's blessing when you step into a new phase in life.

I thought everyone would want it in the same way, that is to get blessed by others on their wedding day. I didn’t know that there are people who likes to be cursed on their most important day of life till I started living in Sikh Village. This is the place I’ve been living for the last 5 years and one special thing about this place is that it has a number of function halls. Within a radius of 3 kms, atleast 10 huge function halls are there where the daily rental charges are also as huge as the halls. Most of the halls are adjacent to each other and thus fall in a row. Marriages happen almost all days through the year in all these function halls.(Except some marriage-forbidden months like “Ashadam” normally during July-August) The decorations at the entrance itself is a must-see stuff and 2 ordinary marriages can be done in the expense of that alone.

Though the entire stretch of function halls is equipped with a pretty good parking space as the number of cars each wedding sees is so huge, the space would never be sufficient to accommodate all of them. Every day after 7 p.m it is a traffic jam with the “overflow” of parked cars on either side of the road. Everyone wants to park right in front of the venue because they think that walking a few steps would spoil the neatly draped sarees. So would it spoil the costly make-up layer too by sweating it out.

People who are on their way back to home after a long day’s work starts cursing the marriage party when they get stuck in this traffic jam. Adding oil to the fire is when there is a VIP attending the function. The entire traffic will be stopped by the police till the VIP is taken into the hall and seated comfortably. When people somehow manage to get out of this traffic maze, alas! there comes the next. The "Horse Show". The bridegroom is sitting on the traditionally decorated horse. He is sitting there, responding with a blushing smile to the double and triple X-ed comments from the crowd around him which includes friends,cousins and all those little nieces and nephews.

As if not enough, people who are impatiently waiting for the horse procession to pass by will have to suffer the ear breaking hindi fast numbers played by the band team. One will not even mind to kill the person who invented bass drums and clarinets at that time if given a chance. Somehow when the band team passes by you think the trouble is over. No way, here comes the next team who will en-“lighten” you with petrol lights (modern hurricane lamps). They are in hundreds. Depending on your Ghoda-walla’s financial status there can be more too. You will have to wait till the marriage procession proceeding to the marriage hall to make the road clear.
When it proceeds our groom occasionally looks around at the traffic that has come to a standstill all because of him. Then you notice the pride and pleasure in the face of the idiot. He should be so proud that he has ‘made’ so many people’s evening by giving them a chance to see him sitting on a coughing horse and they have all showered their blessings on him! Phewwww! My dear son, you have gained the heartiest curses from hundreds of people which is sufficient for your lifetime.

Some how you reach home 2 hours late though you were just 5 minutes away from home. Prepare food, eat, feed the baby, somehow manage to put the baby into sleep, do your dishes, close the kitchen and go to bed. You are catching up sleep slowly. Zzzzz....

Suddenly!!! TAPP,TAP, TOOOOO!,TAPATATATATAP…^%$$%$#$#$%%$^&%&^.

You would jump from the bed suddenly and you have been woken up to a big bang.. and the baby starts screaming and he would not stop. No baba, it’s not an earth quake or anything. Our ghoda walla just got married at this strange hours in the night and he does want to let the world know and wants the world to sing a merry song for him jumping in joy! What bullshit! You not only curse them but you tend to curse their ancestors too. The firework goes on for minimum 10 minutes and the entire neighbourhood is now awake. Some are trying to console the crying babies, some consoles the bedridden patients or old people in their homes who managed to get some sleep just minutes back.

And?

And the couple lived happily ever after with all our “BLESSINGS” they got on their wedding day!!

Note: I’m not making any point here to avoid celebrations for weddings or whatever. But one can be considerate about others when things of this sort is being arranged right in the middle of the city.

Heavy Thoughts

Look at that cute bouquet in that FAT lady's hands...

If I hear such a remark and when the FAT refered is none other than me, that would be the scariest experience I would ever have in my life. I just can't think of such a scene.

I was a fat child and I used to get offended when people make fun of me. I decided to overcome this embarassing moments and one fine morning started to work towards losing weight. Thanks to my strong determination, I managed to shed all my extra pounds. I was so happy that people no longer commented me for being fat. I quit non-vegetarian food for 3 years. I never missed my yoga stuff any single day. I completly stopped taking all junk food. (To confess- I continued eating chocolates). It worked like magic and though i restarted on non-veg I never stopped doing Yoga.

It all went back to square one when I became pregnant. Funniest part is that, from the day I confirmed it, i started gaining weight. It was all because I stopped doing yoga and started to eat more healthy food. People say that you are not supposed to do any exercise in the first trimester and I didnt have the guts to argue against it. And the result? In the first trimester itself I gained 8-9 kgs and by the end of my 9 months term I was like a big bean bag wagging like a stout duck. I went upto 90Kg and in the last trimester I was going up like 1 kg per day! Everyone in my office thought I will explode one day and I faced many questions like "Are you going to pop?" and "Are you having twins?". My tummy was so big that people used to pity me for coming to office and many advised me to take rest. But all was well with me. The day I completed my first trimester I started to take 30 minutes tread mill in moderate speed, and I was doing all work at home too. I just enjoyed my new shape and I worried only about some newly stiched dresses which I was not able to wear. Thank God - I could come for work till the last day and the next morning I went and had my baby.

Soon after delivery I thought my tummy would flatten immediately but to my dismay I was still looking as if I'm 5 months pregnant. And I was weighing 82 Kgs. After delivery also you have the line of control of 90 days. So I had to wait. On 91st day I started with my regular yoga. And guess what, I was not able to lift my legs even for half a feet also. I thought all my abilities for physical actions are gone forever. I was very disappointed. But next day it was better. I could do 5 legs each of "Merudandaasanam". That boosted my confidence and continued Yoga adding all my series of Asanas back to my routine one by one.

In typical Kerala post delivery care you are supposed to have lot of "Lehyam", "Kashayam", and other ayurvedic medicines. I didnt eat any of those Lehyams which are rich in Ghee and stuff like "paalkozhi" which I thought will only add more fat than doing any good for my health. I don't know for sure, but in Hyderabad none of my friends had such post delivery special food care and they said such things don't exist in their custom.

I continued doing Yoga and in a weeks time I was able to do all asanas without difficulty. I observed with great pleasure that my weighing machine doesn't have to stretch too much. Beginning of 5th month I started going for work and it speeded up the process and now guess what? When my son is in his 10th month, I weigh only 65 Kg, that's my standard weight! I'm so happy that I'm fitting in my old clothes. My collegues have forgotten about those dresses and when I wear them now, they "New Pinch" me :)

Oh! My Name!

What is the question you have come across with the most in your life? I think it would be "What is your name?". In my case, another question follows when I say my name. So for me there are 2 questions I have faced most in my life. The second question comes with a perplexed expression on their face and the question is "What does it mean?" Can't blame them for their curiosity as they would be hearing the name "Bhaimi" for the first time. They ask it twice,say it twice to ensure they pronounce it correctly and then the question "What is the meaning of Bhaimi?" comes. Aaaha.. I knew this question would come and I'm ready with the twenty five thousand two hundred and forty first repetition of my name's history. I tap the play button.

"Bhaimi is actually the name of a Hindu Purana character. Her Actual name is Damayanthi. You might have heared of Nala-Damayanthi and their love story. Damayanthi's father's name was Bhimasena and thus she has this name "Bhaimi" .It is like "Bhim ki beti-Bhaimi".

(Water pleaseeeeeeeee.....)

Then comes the next comment "Oh.. that's why you eat like Bhima..ha ha". Now I have to stop them and explain- "my dear friend, I'm sorry about your ignorance, but it is not that Bhima in Mahabharata i'm talking about. This is a different Maharaja, whose name also was Bhimasena".

This story telling sessions occur mostly during my travels. Especially train travels from kerala when I have the luxurious 24 hours to explain my name's origin. But there were incidents to my surprise when the other person explains the story better than I do. One such incident was when I was travelling to Kerala from Hyderabad few years back and a family consisting of an elderly lady, her daughter and husband, grand daughter and great grandson shared the coach with me. I remember that they belong to the famous Moos family in Pulamanthole. When I said my name the elderly lady exclaimed and said "Nice Name!". Then she went ahead to add the Bhim ki Beti story by herself to admire my name and complimented me for having a princess's name. Interestigly the elderly lady's great grand son's name was"Angirassu". I was happy when he said his name as very rarely I get a chance to hear somebody elses 'name story'. Though I knew that Angirassu is a name of one old Rishi in Hindu Mythology I loved to hear him explaining it with pride. He was only 10 years old, I'm sure this enthusiasm to tell his 'Name Story' will soon fade away as he grows. His younger brother's name is 'Purooravass'. I can foresee people's reaction when that little fellow starts telling his name. Ha ha..

I used to hate my name for several reasons when I was in school. First of all I thought it was a tough name to pronounce. It was difficult for others to understand as well. Many people hear it as 'by me' or 'buy me' when I say Bhaimi. They ask me 'Why should I buy you?' or 'what is the cost to buy?' to joke on me. When small children call me it becomes 'bahimi aunty' or 'Balumi chechi' and what not!! But the second reason was really a solid reason to hate my name. I was a fat girl. Everybody used to call me Bheemi as they relate the fat Bhimasena in Mahabharata. They found it amusing and I used to get hurt. Many a times I fought with my mother for a name change and she just smiled at me. It was given to me by my grandfather. I hated him also for that reason.

But now I know the value of this name. I just love my name. i have seen people struggling to get e-mail ids by adding all those numerals and special characters like smitha2000_123@soandso.com when I just signup in any site with bhaimi@soandso.com. This unique name gives me recognition in my company and wherever I go. When I make calls to my tailor, beauty parlour or my office receptionist , they dont ask me which Bhaimi is speaking. I enjoy the way different people pronounce my name like Nalini calls me 'Beymi', Mike Jasko and Boomer calls me 'Baaimi' and even my house owner calls me 'Baima'. :)

My husband's name is so common that every third person in a shopping mall or theatre would be Santhosh. We named our son "Devamithran" which is also sort of unique. I don't know when he is going come to fight with me for a name change!

Hydera(bad). Truly!

When I wanted to change my job 5 years ago I never thought I will end up in a company in Hyderabad. I thought I would easily get a job in Bangalore and left for this city to stay for a month and I wouldn't miss any walk-ins that were happening in the city then. One of my friends had an interview call from a company and he had no clue of the place where it was happening as he was new in Bangalore, and I knew the place. I went to this company’s hiring stall to show my friend the place. But at last it happened so that I could attend the interview and I got selected with a decent pay package and my friend couldn’t get through the first round itself.

I was disappointed. I was unhappy for 2 reasons. First reason obviously was that my friend travelled from Kerala only to attend this interview and he couldn’t make it. And the second was that, the HR representative had told me that my posting would be in Hyderabad, not Bangalore. Bangalore was as dear to me as Cochin and I had many friends, cousins and other relatives there. But Hyderabad seemed scary to me. My idea of Hyderabad was that of a city with unclean and old buildings and roads and a city where Hind-Muslim tension always exists. In Hyderabad I had no relatives and didn’t have many close friends too. Finally I decided to accept the offer after having lot of discussions re-discussions with friends. My idea was to find another job in Bangalore in 6 months time and go back.

But, Hyderabad surprised me when I actually landed here. It was a clean and green city. Leave the old city area apart, the rest of the city had well maintained roads, trees on either sides of the roads, flowers and creepers on the dividers etc etc. The traffic was horrible but it didn’t bother me much as I managed to get a place to stay just 5 minutes walk from the office. And to my surprise my Telugu colleagues were so supportive and co-operative in contrary to what I’ve heard of telugu IT people. The girl who came to stay for 6 months did not even think of applying for another job in another city for 5 years!

Now…

I stopped encouraging people to come to Hyderabad as life here has become hell these days. Imagine a city with only potholes and no road to drive on. Imagine a city with 7 hours power cut. 4 hours announced and “only-god-knows-hours” unannounced. A city where the flyover at construction collapses to kill passer-by. City where a completed flyover on a busiest road waits for the Chief Minister to come back from his B’day Celebration in Maldives to get it inaugurated. 200 year old Banyan Trees gets chopped mercilessly in this city. All these scenes replace some of the old scenes I remember like, a small gutter gets repaired immediately after it was formed, power cuts were a total no-no and big trees were brought into the city by lorries from outskirts to plant on the road sides. I don’t know if you will find another city in india where traffic police men are considered junks. Here in the Electricity Office they do readily accept that the system is 95% corrupted and they are helpless. You go to any gas (Indane) agency and enjoy their fabulous customer service and cook food with air. Go to RTA and learn how to bribe without any hindrance and embarrassment.

I longed to settle down in this city once upon a time. I no longer do.For now, let me dream of a small house in Valparai. After all, in India cities are all the same.

Gosh! I am not financially Independent

No..No.. you guessed it wrong. I didn't mean to say that I have to beg before my husband for a hundred bucks to get my pedicure done. Nor does it mean that I am complaining of not earning enough. Was just going through Vinayah's blog (which I happened to step in during a google search and now in my favourites) where he loudly thinks how independent he is financially. He was mentioning this based on this

So let me see how independent I am this way.

Freedom from financial reliance on loved ones

Yes. I'm finacially not dependent on my loved ones. I started earning at the age of 20, that is soon after my graduation. The first stipend of Rs.1300 I got from my part time job as a machine room co-ordinator in a leading software training institute was more than sufficient for me to meet my expenses then. It also served for an extravaganza of having an american chopsey with a friend or having a vanilla-chocolate double sundae or grabing that chiken worked light blue salwar suit once in a while. It was a good and steady growth from there, and the earnings also grew decently in par with my needs. (Should I say it vice versa? :) )

Freedom from financial reliance on creditors

Nope! :(

I have the positive points of
1. Not having any credit card debt.
2. Not having any education loans to be paid.
3. Not having any home loans to be paid.
4. Having independent life insurance to take care of my dependents.
5. Having some fixed assets which may be helpful in the distant future.

I have some neutral points. Why I say they are neither positive nor negative because I enjoy the benefits as they exist as of now but they are totally dependent on my job.
1. I have health insurance for myself offered by my employer.
2. I have health insurance for my dependents, offered by my employer
3. I do not owe money to any person (This is partially true, as I owe 25000 to George but not a negative point as I have kept the amount separately in an account to give it to him. Where does he have time to come back to India? ;) )

Oh! My negative points:
1. I have a car loan to be paid - 3.5 more years left.
2. I have a personal loans to be paid - 1 more year left.
3. I do not have a sufficient emergency fund in place.
4. I do have to worry at the news of IT companies giving layoffs and when dollar gets sick & weak.

Freedom from financial reliance on employment
No way! Atleast as of now, I cannot even think of not having those rush hours in the morning so I can enjoy a cup of tea at ease in the morning. And go to pickup grocery at 11 a.m, avoiding the endless queue in food world in the evenings. And curl up in the sofa to catch up a nap watching that boring Malayalam serials they show in the afternoons. No.. I have a long long way to reach there. (I'm sure those serials would still be continuing with the heroine's grand daughter getting married to her ex-boyfriends step daughter's son and they meet after years at the wedding reception! )

Now, coming to establishing a plan to achieve my financial goals. Aaha! I have a very easy way. Turn to my husband and say,
I do baby sit
I do sweeping and mopping
I do dishes
I do laundry
I do house keeping
I do cooking
I do grocery shopping
I do inviting/talking to our relatives and friends and maintain the relationships fresh
Then why do I need to work too? Honey, you take care of all the financial responsibility and let me be financially independent. Wow! :)

Poor Guy. The next day I would see his blog with his list of additional financial burdens.. he.. he...

Now, no joke, I have to think seriously of some "freedom from worry" plans.

Here I begin

I am just another person in the ocean of fellow human beings in this big big world. That's all I am. Atleast that much I am!