Red Bulls

We had 2 senior persons visiting Hyderabad office last week. They were here for some training. When my manager talked about this whole day mandatory training my mind was trying to find out some 'valid' reasons to take an off from work on that day. As there were no functions or special occasions falling on that day I planned to take a sick leave for 'food poisoning' and thus 'stomach upset' which was the easiest to make others believe. But somehow I dropped that plan at the last moment and I ended up in the training room. The inhibitions about full day corporate trainings as they are so boring and waste of time had made all our team members to fight for the last row seats and all were equipped with some or the other ways of time passing tools from iPods to scribbling pads.


The trainers entered the room. One guy with a very neatly shaved head reminded me of those vitrified glazing tiles me and my husband went to look for our apartment few days back. They started off with their introduction. From then, they talked. Rather, they never stopped.

They talked about Canada. They talked sports - soccer, cricket, golf, ice hockey. They talked about their families. About their interestes. They made us to talk about our families and interests as well. Then they talked about the weather, the journey, the flight, their city, our city. They jumped, they ran in the room, they climbed the tables and before we knew, it was Lunch break.

Nobody seemed to use their iPods or cell phones!

After the lunch, as usual I was the lazybones till they entered the room - Only till they entered the room!

What! You are supposed to look tired and sleepy after a heavy lunch, men!

But they started talking. As expected they talked about the Hyderabad traffic, the excellent food they had, the hotel staff hospitality and behavior. Then they played, they made us to play. They made us to guess, they made us to shout, and they made us to ask questions. They literally grabbed your moments. It was not a session but an animation. We even painted a house you know!

I don't know where this energy comes from. They drank Red Bull. Hmm..Now I know why it is really an energy drink. ;) Guess what, if I were to write a script for the advertisement of an energy drink I would write a screenplay based on this.

We had fun from 10 A.M to 4.30 P.M and wait.. wait... they also talked about IDP, for which they were actually in Hyderabad. Otherwise such a boring thing it would have been, now we really understand what an Iterative development Process is. At the end of 6 or 7 IDP sessions they had in our centre they had this quiz show which they creatively named as 'Koun Banega Crorepati' and pronounced it with even more creativity contrary to the expected difficulty. The quiz made sure nobody is missing any details of the basic IDP. It was real fun.

Thanks to Andrew King (Director, Global Operations R&D) and Eugene Davis (Senior Process Analyst) for such a vibrant, striking and jolly session.

Hmm.. now I know that,

• IDP is another process of agile scrum, customised for OpenText
• IDP stands for Iterative Development Process.
• Iteration can be of 2 to 4 weeks.
• Ideal Team size is 8-12
• Iteration planning can take upto 2 hours
• The product owners VISIONs are ROCKS. Rocks when becomes stones are easy to handle and when becomes sand is esier and make it more fine is the easiest. That's why the ROCKS become User Story and then become MACRO STORY and then MICRO STORY.
• Iteration can have any number of Macro Stories
• The team stands upto discuss 3 things basically, everyday. That is for 15 minutes. The 3 things need to be what have you done yesterday, what will you be doing today, what will be impacted.
• The Scrum master is there to track all your issues and he will make sure those will not affect your work.
• A customer has all the rights to walk in for the stand up.
• Frequent Demo of what is accomplished is important.
• Iterations can have stretch stories.
• You see a landmark means you are the end of an iteration.
• Retrospective meetings should not strech beyond one hour.
• Retrospective meetings discuss things like, what went well, what did not go well, what can be continued.
And so on. The list is endless because we keep LEARNING BY DOING and hence the list grows.

Foot note: Red Bull should be served in our cafeteria. :)

A letter to Reddy

Respected Mr P.S.Reddy Sir,

I am very sorry that I talked to you in a rash manner the other day, Sir. I had no clue about how much it was going to hurt your infant heart. I should have kept my silly feelings to myself rather than disturbing you. I really forgot that those are so silly that anybody would get pissed off if one gets reminded of them continuously. After all there is a limit to eat one's brain na.. I just paid 18 lakhs to you and bought an apartment from you. I know that it doesn't mean that I can disturb you when you are not handing over that to me on time. When we were about to finalise the deal you promised me that the apartment would be ready in 3 months. Then later after 2 months when we were writing the agreement at the register office your people and your big brother told me not to worry, the flat would be ready in 3 months. I know... I understand your problems sir.. This assembly election.. I know how your workers were excited about that. The entire group went for election campaign. Then they took a week's break for casting their vote, for they had to leave for their native places. Yes yes we should respect their right to caste the vote. We then took a vacation in Kerala and when we came back you said it would be ready in 3 months. I know.. Who will better understand your problems friend? This festival. Dasara and Karthika Masam are most important for your workers and we need to let them go and enjoy. After all employee satisfaction should be our first preference. Then a delay of another month because of the Ganesh Puja preparations etc. Without God's will and blessings whatever we perform will go waste. Everybody know that.

Again after couple of weeks when we noticed that there was no progress of any sort when we visited the site, it would have been appropriate to think from my side that it was natural. Because of the series of very serious issues like the Chief Minister’s unfortunate accident and death and the complex political situations that succeeded which worker will be in a mood to do unimportant works? Nobody, when there prevails such an indefinite situation in the core group that drives the state's progress. But fool me didn’t think of all these as already 6 months were over. The EMI of Rs.20k + the rent of 10K were putting big burden on our financial matters and that was the reason I asked you to tell me an exact date on which you were going to hand over the flat to me instead of keeping the 3 months story going on and on.

Then you said "From today exactly 2 months".

Then I asked you if I can take your words for sure and go ahead to talk with my present house owner regarding our vacating the house.
Then you said "Yes. Please. Except the lift rest of the work will be done and you can occupy the apartment".

As ours is in the first floor we really didn't bother about the lift and happily talked to house owner that on Nov30th we would vacate the house. You also gave us your nephew's contact number and asked us to contact him for any further issues. We contacted him to talk about the design of tiles we want to have in the bath rooms and he sounded very polite and decent over the phone. He said he was going to purchase the tiles and all on that Monday. After all, all builders are good hearted!

Last weekend we went to the site and in the bathrooms what we saw was the same ugly artwork which we’ve been seeing ever since we bought the flat from you, done by one of the plastering worker and not the tiles. Not even any sign of anyone worked there for the last one month. It really bothered us as we were nearing the deadline given at the present house. When we immediately called and talked to your nephew we came to know that the procurement of items had not started yet.

I am sorry buddy that is the reason I had to call you up in your cell number and had to talk to you rashly.

And alas!

Very confidently you denied that you had assured me the occupancy in 2 months. That made me to say that "We have given you due respect thinking that you are a gentle man, but now you are proving that you are not. If you can't keep your words what is the use if you go to SabariMala (You only told us about this when you came to know that we are basically Keralites) every year."

My fault. My big fault.

I should have remembered how big a person you are and I am just a small worm in front of you. That's why you said "Don’t try to fight with builders. If I want to threaten anybody in Andhra Pradesh, I can do that. No one is going to ask me" just to make me understand a worm's life can be ended any time when it stays just a foot away from a giant. Then you continued “Don’t call me again” and disconnected the call. I really got frightened buddy. I think I even peed in my clothes. That much scared I was as I learned that you are such a BIG man. Because I understood that it costs you just a small movement of the corner of your eye which can ruin my life completely. How I envy you at least in my next birth I want to live a life like you.

Once again by this letter I want to apologize for enquiring you about the progress of the apartment for which we’ve paid a very silly amount of 18 lakhs. Take your time Sir. Take your time till eternity also, we will not ask you. Even I’m going to conduct an awareness programme among people who still think that it is their right to know details about the service or commodity they are paying for.

Decent Driving Dude

Stuck in traffic jam for hours, having no choice but drive through the dust/smoke filled air, fed up of the irritating bad habits of other fellow drivers?

Those who have not experienced this at least once when living in Hyderabad can raise your hands. Well, I don’t see a single hand. Meaning is that, we all go through this every day. What do we do for it? Just curse the government. Shout at the auto-rickshaw driver "the bloody illiterate". Call the ancestors of that rash driving APSTRTC bus driver "b****" and what not. Shouting "stupid country fellows" at those who cross the road while the signal is green. In any way are you helping yourself to get any better? In any sense? No to the core.

Well, so..why not doing something? Something small but better than nothing? Something better than the disgusting dialogues which goes in vain but gets into your veins in the form of hyper tension? Something to make the proverbs even more worthy?

Hereby I put my little drop of water. We have a lake to fill. Come let us at least fill a bucket. This is what I think about. I work for a software company in hi-tech city in Hyderabad. In my company at least 50 people are coming by their own transport modes like me. Rest rely on the company transport. I have observed that 80% of those who come on their own vehicles do not use the proper indicators when turning left or right. 50% of them don't mind jumping a red signal. 100% think it is absolutely fair to go on wrong side for small distance instead going that far to take a U turn. I plan to spread a ”Decent Driving Dude" awareness in my company and if at least 1% follows what it means I would be happy. If in another 5 companies at least 10 people start to follow the DDD(Decent Driving Dude) attitude that makes a huge difference. They will talk, they will act. I am sure that at least one person will be impacted every day.

This campaign will spread the awareness. While driving on the road, if I am about to cross a small junction with no signal, if I see another person coming from the right side to go to my left side, and if he is a known person to me, I would obviously not compete with him to go first. Rather I would smile at him and would allow him to go first. This means that we are all not bad always. We know to be good too. And we most of the time want to remain good. So at least when you see another DDD on the road you automatically becomes a DDD. The more DDDs in town the more decent is the road. Howzaaat??

I am going to try this in my company with the help of my dear colleagues. Why not you doing the same in your company. If you are in Hyderabad let us all meet informally and I will give you guidelines to get this effectively done. Let us all have a safe and smooth road rides.

Fear Factor

He is scared of it. He is so scraed of it that it comes in his dreams and scares him to wake him up suddenly and then he cries out loud.

With it's huge body it sits in a corner and when hungry it wide opens its mouth and eats like a hipopotamus. Then for about an hour it eats, drinks water , after that cleans the mouth and that big tummy by spitting water out and leaves a big noisy burp at the end before it starts to sleep again sitting in that corner. It shakes its body hysterically sometimes with a huge roar. He doesn't understand why they keep him at home. They have it in most of his relatives' and neighbours' homes too. When he visits a new place he walks on tip of the toe and goes to the kitchen and work area and bathrooms to find out where he sits at that home. He knows that these are the places where it is generally found. Once he spots its cosy position in a house he screams and runs back and make sure that he never ever goes to that room and if possible the room beside it too. People say that there is nothing to be scared of it, it doesn't do anything but he would not believe that. He just hates whoever says so to him.

And the "he" in this story is my 2 year old.

"It" is nothing other than the Washing Machine!

Formula's Never Fail

It was raining. I waited for 5 minutes. There was no sign of the rain gods going to stop pouring and I didn't have a choice. In the new office, they are very strict about the timing. So come what may, I didn't have a choice and started off from home while it was raining still. And at the JNTU junction, that school bus.. He didn't have a choice to wait too perhaps. Come what may, he has to reach school before the classes begin. And for ages there this junction at JNTU has been there. And according to the general theory of friction what has to happen will happen. It happened without fail.

So this explains why I'm limbing today. Ha.. ha.. ha!

(If I were to explain the theory of collission?! Oh God!)

I here by swear that...

Today, I have decided that...

* I will learn all possible bad words in hindi. It is a "Must have" in a driver's possessions.
* I will always wear helmet while riding a two wheeler.
* I will always stop and give way to a vehicle who tries a U turn in a busy road.
* I will always stop for pedestrians in a zebra crossing.
* I will not stop for pedestrians when the signal is green. I will use my Hindi knowledge here.
* I will not be impatient and honk at the vehicle that moves slow in front of me.
* I will not jump the red signal how much ever empty the opposite roads are.
* I will not change lanes or take to the side without proper indication. I will use my Hindi for those who does so infront of me.
* I will not overtake in a narrow road or when there is a jam in one lane of the traffic. I will use my Hindi for those who does so. I am not a fool to wait at the tail of long queue of vehicles when others can go forward through the empty other lane which makes both the sides jam soon.
* I will not block the way by driving too slow.
* I will not use high beams when in city.
* I will respect the vision of the opposite vehicle's driver by giving a dim light at night while on a highway.
* I will not suddenly start the parked vehicle on the side of the road and get on to the road without minding the vehicles coming from rear. Hindi to be used here.
* I will not use mobile phone while driving.
* I will not let my clothes fly like a flag while riding two wheelers.

Because, these habits of other fellow drivers annoy me a lot!

Patience has its own limits! The commute to and from Hitec City to pragathi nagar has helped me to cross mine this soon so succesfully. Thanks to my dear fellow commuters.

Happy Ever After!

We have this custom of seeking blessings from everyone in the family on any special occasions in life. Especially from elders, you should bend and touch the feet of the person and they would bless you by keeping both palms on your head. On their marriage day a typical Kerala bride will weigh atleast 10 kilograms extra with the heavy brocaded saree, a load of awkward jewellery which is a must in Kerala traditional weddings, and a heavy load of deceiving (artificial)long hair and flowers and half a kilogram of hair pins to fix all these scraps together. I still remember how difficult it was to bend before all the uncles, aunties, ammumma’s and appuppans including that Pappu uncle, this Ammini aunty, this Raman uncle, that Janaki aunty and who not? Bending, be straight and again bending, be straight is such a difficult task that too in the brides attire and all we’re doing this is just to be blessed by them. You don't want to spare anybody's blessing when you step into a new phase in life.

I thought everyone would want it in the same way, that is to get blessed by others on their wedding day. I didn’t know that there are people who likes to be cursed on their most important day of life till I started living in Sikh Village. This is the place I’ve been living for the last 5 years and one special thing about this place is that it has a number of function halls. Within a radius of 3 kms, atleast 10 huge function halls are there where the daily rental charges are also as huge as the halls. Most of the halls are adjacent to each other and thus fall in a row. Marriages happen almost all days through the year in all these function halls.(Except some marriage-forbidden months like “Ashadam” normally during July-August) The decorations at the entrance itself is a must-see stuff and 2 ordinary marriages can be done in the expense of that alone.

Though the entire stretch of function halls is equipped with a pretty good parking space as the number of cars each wedding sees is so huge, the space would never be sufficient to accommodate all of them. Every day after 7 p.m it is a traffic jam with the “overflow” of parked cars on either side of the road. Everyone wants to park right in front of the venue because they think that walking a few steps would spoil the neatly draped sarees. So would it spoil the costly make-up layer too by sweating it out.

People who are on their way back to home after a long day’s work starts cursing the marriage party when they get stuck in this traffic jam. Adding oil to the fire is when there is a VIP attending the function. The entire traffic will be stopped by the police till the VIP is taken into the hall and seated comfortably. When people somehow manage to get out of this traffic maze, alas! there comes the next. The "Horse Show". The bridegroom is sitting on the traditionally decorated horse. He is sitting there, responding with a blushing smile to the double and triple X-ed comments from the crowd around him which includes friends,cousins and all those little nieces and nephews.

As if not enough, people who are impatiently waiting for the horse procession to pass by will have to suffer the ear breaking hindi fast numbers played by the band team. One will not even mind to kill the person who invented bass drums and clarinets at that time if given a chance. Somehow when the band team passes by you think the trouble is over. No way, here comes the next team who will en-“lighten” you with petrol lights (modern hurricane lamps). They are in hundreds. Depending on your Ghoda-walla’s financial status there can be more too. You will have to wait till the marriage procession proceeding to the marriage hall to make the road clear.
When it proceeds our groom occasionally looks around at the traffic that has come to a standstill all because of him. Then you notice the pride and pleasure in the face of the idiot. He should be so proud that he has ‘made’ so many people’s evening by giving them a chance to see him sitting on a coughing horse and they have all showered their blessings on him! Phewwww! My dear son, you have gained the heartiest curses from hundreds of people which is sufficient for your lifetime.

Some how you reach home 2 hours late though you were just 5 minutes away from home. Prepare food, eat, feed the baby, somehow manage to put the baby into sleep, do your dishes, close the kitchen and go to bed. You are catching up sleep slowly. Zzzzz....

Suddenly!!! TAPP,TAP, TOOOOO!,TAPATATATATAP…^%$$%$#$#$%%$^&%&^.

You would jump from the bed suddenly and you have been woken up to a big bang.. and the baby starts screaming and he would not stop. No baba, it’s not an earth quake or anything. Our ghoda walla just got married at this strange hours in the night and he does want to let the world know and wants the world to sing a merry song for him jumping in joy! What bullshit! You not only curse them but you tend to curse their ancestors too. The firework goes on for minimum 10 minutes and the entire neighbourhood is now awake. Some are trying to console the crying babies, some consoles the bedridden patients or old people in their homes who managed to get some sleep just minutes back.

And?

And the couple lived happily ever after with all our “BLESSINGS” they got on their wedding day!!

Note: I’m not making any point here to avoid celebrations for weddings or whatever. But one can be considerate about others when things of this sort is being arranged right in the middle of the city.